__________Living In A World Of Confusions----------

Sunday, April 24, 2005

\Wave of guilt//

I'm really going crazy coping with all the stress in daily life.I know sometimes I can't go for band because of this stupid headache problem.It just doesn't get better,only for the worse.My parents are forcing me to quit band and focus on my studies,sentiments shared by so many people around me be it teachers or peers.I don't know how long more can I keep this up by juggling both aspects of my life in the most haphazard manner.Neither do I have any idea regarding my defiance of my ailing health.

Teachers are bending over backwards to accomodate my flaws,something which made me feel just so guilty over.Would I have felt it in the same manner during the previous year where I was just being negligent.The replacement of glorious past achievements with the abysmal state of the present really leaves me feeling jaded and disheartened.I know my abilities and I've just scratched the tip of the ice-berg.It's time I push myself to the limits.

Maybe its all these stress that's making me lose my love of music,hindering me from the enjoyment of the passion.Or maybe it could be the result-orientated manner in the search of a final glory that killed off whatever that's left of my enthusiasm.

I don't want the gold but I just needed that gold so badly.I hope to end my clarinet playing on a high note.One which I would look back on and reminisce of the glories not a memory filled with regret and shame.

I'm not sure how I'm going to survive these 2 weeks but I will try my best.

I'm Confused|2:31 AM|

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